Can't Repeat the Past: The Best Is Yet to Come

I woke up this morning feeling anxious and poorly rested after a night of nightmares.

They weren't the kind of nightmares filled with ghosts or psychopaths or even me forgetting my big speech that's due later this week. They were the kind of nightmares that reminded me of my past.

Literally.

I dreamed it was 1998 again.

I was at this theme park that I had invented in my mind and which had already been a setting in numerous dreams over the years. I was surrounded by flare jeans, and the Spice Girls were doing a show

 on the park stage.

I was still me, as I am now - 24 years old and my 2015 mind, older and wiser than I was in 1998. 

I suppose you might think a trip back in time sounds enjoyable. I however found it depressing. 

I felt like a ghost. 

I know I didn't belong there and I was alone. I was anxious and my heart ached. 

In the dream, I found the only person I thought would understand me and believe me. A palm reader. 

I gave her my hand, she looked at it and said, "You're not from this world".

BAM.

There's a million ways to interpret that, but I'll keep it simple. 

I don't want to live in the past. 

I don't want to live in memories, even if they're good ones.

 Hell, even if they're amazing ones and I miss them like crazy. 

Missing something or someone doesn't bring them back,

it'll only keep you from being happy in the present. In the today. 

And that's what matters most. Today. 

Who you choose to be today, what you choose to accomplish today and where you choose to go today. 

It's okay to miss the friends you lost touch with, or the town you used to live in, or your childhood years.

For me lately, I've found myself missing my old apartment in London and the two years I spent there. 

With the large backyard I spent so much time exploring, and a short walk away from

 a beautiful park and easy access to the heart of the city.

 I miss the affordable living, the people I used to work with and the hours I'd spend on the couch drinking tea and telling stories with one of my best friends who now lives too far away to visit. 

I miss the familiarity of the place I lived in, the roommate I never disagreed with

 and the cozy hipster-esque loft living room that I spent so many hours watching Once Upon a Time in.

 And of course, I miss the guy that's no longer in my life, and that I used to spend so much time with.

I guess I miss those years the most, because it was the most significant years (to date) and I was really happy. And I guess I'm afraid that I won't feel like that again. That I won't have that again.

But I will, and you will too. Maybe not today, or even tomorrow but there is good still to come.

There are new memories to be made. 

So, miss it for a while, but don't let your feelings control your life. 

Trust that there was a reason for every person and place and thing that left and was lost.

Trust that there is better coming. Believe in abundance. 

♥ Brittany