3 Things I Learned in 2016

Photo from Unsplash.com

They say that the older you get, the faster time goes by. If this is the case, then I feel like I'm 103 because it feels like yesterday it was summer when actually it's winter and it's almost 2017. What sorcery is this!?

Anyways, this time of year always makes me both excited and anxious because it'll be a new year, and - it'll be a new year. There will be new opportunities, new challenges, and a fresh start. Everyone wants to start the new year off on the right foot, but part of growth is learning from past mistakes. 

This includes the mistakes you made in 2016. For some of you, this may have been colouring your hair "silver", getting back with an ex who wasn't good for you, or saying something mean when you shouldn't have. 

This week, I'd like to share some of my worst mistakes  best lessons learned over the past year. 

1) You don't have to settle. 

This year some of my biggest struggles revolved around a toxic ex-roommate and feeling undervalued at my workplace. These are common struggles around the world and situations that I've dealt with in the past, but this year the outcome was different: I learned that I didn't have to settle and I decided not to. 

To clarify, compromising is necessary in life, but settling is a choice. This year I decided to choose happiness and put myself first, instead of settling with situations and people that left me miserable or feeling less than I deserve. 

This included saying goodbye to a childhood friend - the same friend that became my roommate from hell over 2 years due to her unresolved mental health issues. I also said goodbye to a city and job because I no longer felt like I was a valued employee. Neither of these decisions were easy to make as they affected me mentally, physically and financially, but they were decisions which had to be made if I was going to do what was best for me. 

While I don't have everything worked out yet, I know I made the right decisions for both situations because I felt relieved immediately after I made the choice not to settle. There's always a choice!

2) It's okay to move on.

If you followed my blog about a year ago, then you'll already know that I had been going through a difficult breakup some time ago (catch up here!). It's a breakup that haunted me for the past 2 years - not because it was a long relationship but because it was the first relationship where I really, truly loved someone and opened up to them. 

This relationship ended almost 2 years ago, but I was still holding onto it. It's not that I wasn't trying - I was seeing other people and open to someone new, but no one as good or real (for me) came along. That is until I met my current boyfriend. 

I knew he adored me long before we even started dating, and I knew he was great and we had a lot in common - but I wasn't going to allow myself to jump into anything I wasn't sure about. So we started hanging out in May and after 3 months of friendship, I really started seeing things in him that I hadn't had in any previous relationship; I started comparing my ex to him, instead of him to my ex. I realized that this was someone really special - someone that was never going to intentionally hurt me and was always going to put me first. 

So before we headed out on our first vacation together, I wrote my ex-boyfriend a letter. It was handwritten and sent via snail mail - after asking his mom for his address because he had blocked me on everything else. 

In the letter, I apologized for the mistakes I made while we were together and let him know that I forgave him for his mistakes. I let him know that while things ended badly, I wasn't angry anymore and wished him the best. 

This was me letting him go. I was after 2 difficult years, finally able to set myself free from the pain of losing us. I learned that it was okay to love my ex without it holding me back from new love. I learned that it was okay to move on.

3) Sometimes you need to be aggressive.

In the past, I've had a habit of letting certain situations or negative treatment from people slide because it was easier than confrontation (does anybody actually like confrontation??) However most often than not, I've kicked myself after a bad situation for the things I should have said or did. I regret not taking a bigger stand when it mattered or for standing up for myself when I felt disrespected.

I've learned that sometimes you need to be aggressive. I'm not talking about getting up in someone's face for no reason, or throwing punches - I'm talking about thoughtfully and respectfully telling someone off when need be, or standing up for what's right. Words are powerful tools which can be used to debate, persuade and discuss. They can be used to defend yourself or create change for a bad situation. 

This past year, I've been working on speaking out more. I reported a professor who was cutting classes, being disrespectful to students and not taking our education seriously - she ended up being replaced for the semester because multiple students spoke up. When more people stand up for what's right, society progresses. 

Another example was when I asked a previous employer for a raise. In previous part-time jobs, I accepted the minimum wage I was offered with no fuss because I was young and unsure of myself and the job system. I felt that minimum wage was acceptable for someone of my experience/education etc. 

This year however after graduating with my second diploma, and with several years of experience under my belt, I was no longer going to accept an intern's wages. So I decided to speak up and brought the issue up with my employer. 

The outcome was that I was offered a raise, but in the end it wasn't significant enough to be worth my time and effort (or anywhere near the cost of living in Toronto) so I left the job. While I didn't get the outcome I necessarily wanted, I did learn that I can create change when I speak up. I learned that sometimes you need to be aggressive and ready to fight for what you really want. 

Photo by Chris Amorim.

To sum it up, 2016 was a good year with some valuable lessons learned. I've learned the value of speaking up and have grown into a person that's allowing myself to move on when things don't go as planned, and only pursuing things in life that make me truly happy. I'll be taking these lessons into the future where I know my future self will benefit from these experiences and wisdom as I continue on my journey of personal growth - I hope you will too!

I'll be on holiday next week but will be back with new blog posts in the new year. In the meantime, I wish you all a happy and healthy holiday season. Cheers!

Brittany

@simplylynne

"The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself."
                                                                                                     - C. Joybell C.

Button Up Your Overcoat with Zelma and Jack

In an effort to escape the well-played Mariah Carey and Michael Buble this holiday season, I found some great playlists on Youtube with Christmas tunes from the 1900s-1950s (just search vintage Christmas music!)

 The one song in particular "Button Up Your Overcoat" with Jack and Zelma stole my heart.

 Enjoy!

❤❤❤

5 Things to be Thankful for Right Now

Photo from Unsplash.com

I'll admit it - I'm a little bit addicted to Instagram. I probably check my notifications 30 times a day, and spend at least an hour a day checking out other people's photographs (note to self, spend less time on social media.)

Social media, and Instagram in particular to me is a place for inspiration and art - however it's also a place where the green monster of envy can settle in. It's especially hard this time of year when everyone's posting pictures of their lovely homes and Christmas trees, their exciting holiday vacations, fabulous presents, or beautiful weddings.

I know you've likely heard the phrase "comparison is the thief of joy" and it's absolutely true. I used to get jealous and upset sometimes over the awesome things people were doing/getting, however I've gotten a lot better changing my perspective to something more positive.

Let's be honest - someone will always be doing something more exciting or interesting than you are - but life isn't a contest, and that doesn't mean you can't be happy. Happiness starts with a grateful heart.

If you take more time to be grateful for the things you have in life instead of wishing for things you don't have, you'll be a much happier individual. After all, many of the things you do have, someone else wishes they had. It's all about your perspective. 

This holiday season, don't forget to take some time to appreciate the gifts you've already been given such as...

1) Your health

Whether you're in perfect health right now or not, take a moment to be grateful for the health you do have. Our bodies are truly amazing machines which allow us to walk, dance, speak, move, experience and so many other things.

It's easy to take our health for granted unless it's threatened by illness, accident or old age - all of which, we can't predict. If you're reading this, then you're already better off than some other less fortunate people in the world.

2) Your senses

Sometimes when I see something really beautiful, I take a moment to stop and try to memorize the moment - the colours that I see, the scent in the air, the sounds I hear etc. I try to memorize the shapes of the scene, the lines in front of me, and any details that I usually tend to overlook. I know I may not always be blessed with my sight (or hearing etc.) so I try to capture a few vivid memories in my mind.

By doing this, I not only have some beautiful memories, but I'm also reminded of the joy and beauty my senses add to each experience. It also helps me be more present in the moment which makes me feel more grounded and content in life.

3) Your belongings

During my early childhood, I was what many considered to be an "underprivileged child". We didn't have a lot of money, and the money we did have was often spent in unhealthy ways due to a lack of proper parenting (an entirely different story).

Because of this more troubled beginning, I had a hard time sharing my things with other children as I got older. The feeling of scarcity made me into a somewhat selfish child out of fear of not having enough. My toys, my bed, my food were mine and I would rudely say no or put up a fight whenever someone asked to borrow something from me.

Now that I'm older and wiser, I can understand how this childhood fear affected my life and relationships. I've learned not only to share better, but how to appreciate the things I do own. Each piece of clothing, furniture, book etc. that I've collected is a blessing which can add comfort and joy to my life.

Since I've been fortunate enough to have these belongings, I think it's important to share them when I can and try to bring joy and comfort to someone else. As Anne Frank would say, no one ever became poor by giving!

4) Your privileges 

I understand that many privileges are still sadly based on race, gender, sexual preferences, etc. It'll be a long, long time before all of society believes we're equal regardless of these things. Regardless, we're still blessed with many privileges worth being grateful for. Things like water, food, and electricity aren't rights - they're privileges for those who can afford them and have access to them.

My boyfriend and I have had many conversations about how absurd it is that we need to pay for things that we need to survive such as clean water, heat in the winter, and food. We discuss how feminine products, birth control, and basic medicine isn't available to everyone but are necessary for good health and the good of the world.

Most often these discussions leave us frustrated with society and trying to find ways that we can do better and create change. Since we are blessed with so many privileges, it's our duty as decent human beings to try to improve the lives of others, too.

5) Your life

Life isn't perfect - we all know that, but simply being alive is the greatest gift we could have. With life we're given the opportunity to learn, to experience, to grow, and to love. The opportunities and experiences we could have are countless and each choice we make can lead to a new us and a new life. Life can change in an instant - for good or bad, so it's important to enjoy what we have while we have it.

Likewise, mistakes and hard times are a part of being human and part of what makes us truly appreciate the time we're given on earth. Take a moment and be grateful for the years you've so far been given, the hard times you've overcome, and think about the possibilities of tomorrow.

It's easy to take the blessings in our lives for granted, especially during the holiday season. Instead of wishing for this or that, try and practice contentment and joy with the gifts you've already received. 

I am grateful for my health and my ability to experience joy with my senses.
I am thankful for clean water, fuel for my body, and a warm place to sleep tonight.
I appreciate my opportunity to live and experience life.
I will make an effort to be more generous and help others find comfort and joy.
I welcome abundance and happiness into my life, and I am grateful for all of my blessings.

Namaste.

Brittany
@simplylynne