I've got something I want to admit that often gets me into trouble:
I always try to see the best in people.
I can have experienced disappointment again and again from someone, but I always seem to have this ridiculous belief that at some point they'll learn their lesson and things will get better.
(Bottomless well of hope over here.)
However I think it's me that needs to learn a lesson.
Recently I've been kicking myself over another failed relationship.
I wallowed in those oh-so-familiar feelings that I know you've had before too at some point.
Maybe if I had been prettier. Or smarter. Or funnier.
Maybe if I had cared more, or cared less.
I obsessed over everything we'd done and went over every conversation
in my mind to try and figure out what went wrong.
Where I went wrong.
We do this every time someone lets us down, but what we often fail to realize,
is that we are often only a tiny part of the problem.
In fact, when someone treats us poorly it often has absolutely nothing to do with us.
I'm not saying that only one person in a relationship or a friendship is at fault when people disagree.
Each person involved contributes in some way.
However too often when somebody hurts us, it's not because there was something wrong
with us necessarily, but because there's some kind of issue(s) going on with them.
There's some insecurity in their heads or doubt in their hearts that makes it impossible for them
to open up and love someone else (platonically, or otherwise).
When I look at my past romantic relationships as a collective, and even several friendships,
I can almost pinpoint exactly why they ended. In all cases, each relationship held instances of human selfishness and ego. Sometimes me and sometimes them, which kept love from growing.
When we're selfish, we stand in our own way of true happiness.
We don't really see people as themselves - but rather we see what they can do for us.
We develop relationships based on what we can attain from another person.
Our relationships therefore become superficial - like a marketplace for trading goods.
Only too often, the exchange of goods isn't equal and eventually, someone gets hurt.
You can't change people.
You can't make them see the good in you, or the potential in themselves.
You can only love them and hope that at some point, they will learn to love the right way.
You can only hope that they will learn to see value in themselves
so that they can see true value in other people.
This is what true and fulfilling love is.
There's no room for selfishness in love.
Don't let your self-worth suffer because of someone else's self-worth issues.
You can't save them. They have to save themselves.
When someone hurts us, we always blame ourselves,
but I don't think you should ever have to blame yourself for having a big heart, or being open to people.
Yes, you make the choice to include them in your life, but you can also choose to let these people go.
Sometimes it's best to love these people from a distance.
It's not your responsibility to sacrifice your love and happiness for theirs.
We need to get out of the mindset that we're the ones to blame when people hurt us.
Whether it's a significant other, a family member, a friend or even a stranger on the street.
We need to stop worrying about what we might have done wrong,
and instead try to understand why somebody might feel the need to treat another person this way.
Who has hurt them that has influenced this behaviour?
What did they experience that made them treat someone else poorly?
We never know what battles someone is facing beneath the surface or what scars they are hiding.
This does not excuse their behaviour - it can only help you understand them and forgive them.
Forgive them, because you love yourself and forgive yourself for your part of the situation.
With forgiveness, comes peace. With forgiveness, comes love.
xoxo
Brittany
