Living with Less - Detoxing Your Mind

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Lately I've been having trouble sleeping. I've gone to bed thoroughly exhausted but no matter how tired my body is, I can't seem to shut my mind off.

As soon as my head hits the pillow, my thoughts start to race. I start to think about all the things I have to do, and the plans I need to make the next day. I'll think about all the things I'm worried about, and think of ways that I could fix the issues in my life. An hour or two (or three) later, I'm finally asleep.

The next day, I'm too exhausted to achieve all the things I thought about the night before which leave me feeling frustrated and planning when I go to bed the next night, and the cycle starts all over again.

I'm sure you've been there before and understand how frustrating it is when you can't control your thoughts. A racing mind can leave you consumed with worry and stress which negatively effects your overall health and well-being - an unfortunate side effect of our busy world!

I'm working on controlling my thoughts so I can create a more peaceful home inside my head which in time will create a healthier and happier me. It's time to s l o w  d o w n and edit your mind - so you can get some peace of mind!

Clear the busy air around you.

Turn your phone off, close the extra tabs, seek out somewhere quiet. Even if you're in a busy, urban area you can create your own peace and quiet by limiting your interactions with technology and other people.

For me this usually means putting my phone on silent in another room, or waking up while everyone else is asleep so I don't have to focus on anyone else but me for a while.

Let go of any regrets and accept them as lessons learned.

A lot of times when we stress out it's because of something we've done or said. We like to call these things "regrets".

Instead of regretting an experience, try to look at the experience as a lesson learned. Forgive yourself for making the mistake, tell yourself it won't happen again, and use your experience to create a better you in the future.

Accept the apology you never received.

Don't waste your energy and thoughts on someone that wouldn't do the same for you. It took me forever to learn this lesson, but it's an extremely valuable lesson.

When you hold off on forgiving someone (even for something as minor as bumping you on the bus), you're only hurting yourself by holding onto those negative feelings. If it's something major, don't accept the same poor treatment from someone (lesson learned) but allow yourself to live as if they already apologized and move on. If it's something small, don't sweat it!

Focus on your breathing.

The next time you're feeling overwhelmed by your thoughts, try focusing solely on your breathing. Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat. Let this task distract you for a while and calm you down. I've used this technique several times to help me fall asleep at night or when I've felt a sudden rush of anxiety.

Empty some of your thoughts on paper.

When your mind is racing with worry and thoughts, try emptying some of them onto paper, or into a journal. If you take a few minutes to write down your thoughts and acknowledge your feelings about them during the day, they'll be less likely to haunt you at night.

Indulge in less stimulants.

A stimulant is anything that increases your psychological energy. This can be caffeine, drugs, sugar - even certain people can be stimulants. Energy is good and essential to daily living, but too much can make your heart (and mind) race. Try cutting back, or eliminating your intake of stimulants to feel more balanced in life.

Let go of judgement and replace it with love.

Many of my negative thoughts in the past have revolved around my expectations and idea of what someone/something should be. Society has taught us that if someone/something is different then it's wrong. This idea is close-minded and does not contribute to the evolution of our world. 

Instead, replace judgment with love. Be open minded to new ways of seeing things, new ideas and new people. 

Let go of fear and replace it with trust.

As children we may have been afraid of the dark, or the monster under the bed however now that we're adults our fears have turned into something much worse.

We could be afraid of not being able to pay the bills, we could be afraid of losing our partner, or if not that - we could be afraid that we might be alone forever. We may be afraid of losing our health, our happiness, or even our hair. The options for things to fear are endless! No wonder half the world can't sleep at night.

A while ago I read a quote that resonated with me. "Worry does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace." When you let your fears control you and constantly worry about things, you're only robbing yourself of time, peace, and energy. Don't let this happen.

Replace your fear with trust. Trust that things happen for a reason. Trust that you can find a solution and get through this. Trust in the timing of your life.

Focus on the positive.

Sometimes I get really wrapped up in the all the negative in the world. It feels like my newsfeed is always plagued with another shooting, another genocide, another injustice, (or another certain president). When we're constantly bombarded with negative energy in the world, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed with sadness and anger, and feel depressed.

When I start feeling like this, I try to step back and think about the progress we've made in the world - and the progress still to come.

Change doesn't happen until someone rocks the boat. Sometimes you have to fall in the water to learn how to swim (a.k.a. a bunch of bad can eventually lead to a bunch of good.) The key is to keep fighting for what's right and surrounding yourself with those people that believe in the same love and beauty that you do. Let your positive and loving thoughts trump the negative ones. Pun intended.


Your mind is a powerful tool which effects your entire well-being and peace of mind - don't forget to cleanse and nourish it, as well as your body! 

Affirmations:

I let go of resentment, and replace it with forgiveness.
I let go of judgement, and replace it with love.
I let go of fear, and replace it with trust.
I am in control of my thoughts and happiness.
I allow peace and positivity into my life and mind.

Namaste.

Brittany
@simplylynne


***On a side note - it's my birthday this weekend, yay! I'll be taking it easy and spending some time with loved ones. To celebrate I'm doing a sale on Etsy - Everything in the shop is 15% off until January 23rd. Just use the code "SURPRISE" during checkout!***

Living with Less Series #2 - Detoxing Your Relationships

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"You can't change a person".

We've all heard this expression. Heck, I've probably heard it 100x in my life but it was only a couple years ago when I really started to understand the truth behind the phrase, thanks to one specific person.

I am of course referring to my infamous ex-boyfriend, a.k.a. the life lesson. Since I mention him so often, let's make things simple and call him Francis.*

I remember being open minded and accepting during the pre-dating phase. However as soon as we had the label "boyfriend/girlfriend" I changed. Since we were official, I thought I could relax a little and be me - and me wanted Francis to change. 

I wanted to change the way he dressed. I wanted to change his home and wished he would be cleaner and tidier. I'd criticize his diet, and how he'd spend his time. I wanted him to be more attentive, and care more. In this instance, I was in the wrong for trying to make him something he's not, regardless of how nicely I asked, if my intentions were good, or if it was something I deserved.

If he indeed did all those things I wanted, and was all those things - he wouldn't be Francis. He'd be someone else. (Cue the ah ha moment in my life.)

You can't change a person. 

If you don't like a person/their behaviour/their lifestyle etc., you have two choices.

A) You can accept them as they are, or change your reaction and attitude towards them.
B) You can move on or cut them off.

In regards to my situation with Francis (and with any relationship, really) it's important to ask yourself why you want someone to change in the first place. Is it truly for their benefit, or for yours?

Are they doing something that's harmful or unkind? Could there be any miscommunication between you? Does this person add value or happiness to my life?

More than often, lack of communication, lack of contribution, and lack of listening is what creates a toxic relationship. Relationships should be give and take, each person working towards the same goal. If communication, listening and respect aren't in a relationship, it's not likely to be healthy and successful.

However let's state something important here about the latter - some people are just toxic and need to be cut off. 

Toxic people are the ones that leave you feeling drained, lonely, insignificant or any other negative emotion. They're the ones that leave you feeling physically ill or tense - maybe even with headaches or blotchy skin (almost like a food toxin's effect on you!) They are people that take more than they give, and are most often known to be the cause of "drama".

If you think this is the case do yourself a favour and cut them off from you.

Unfriend them on social media, delete their number, delete the pictures, avoid them, whatever helps you best remove them from your life (besides their untimely and suspicious death, obviously). Life is way too short to be around someone who makes you feel like less than you deserve.

Of course, we can't always cut off every toxic person from our lives. 

For instance, let's say you love your job but your boss constantly makes you feel underappreciated, insecure, or drained. There are several ways you could approach the issue.

1) You could avoid confrontation, keep your head down and continue to accept the negativity until it slowly eats away at your soul. This option could jeopardize both your physical and mental health by creating a chronically stressful situation for you.

2) You could communicate with your boss and let them know how they're making you feel, and suggest ways you could improve the situation. If it's just the relationship that's toxic, and not the person themselves, you may be able to use communication to improve the situation.

However this could have a backlash if the person themselves is toxic and they may feel threatened by your confrontation. Remember, you can't change a person.

3) You could quit the job, leave their negativity behind and jump into the waters of the great unknown. This is usually a last resort and is scary as hell to do but in the long run could lead to new opportunities and a healthier and happier life.

Making the choice to detox your relationships isn't always easy, but you need to make the right choice for you and your health. 

Take some time to evaluate your personal relationships. How does a certain person make you feel? Is there something you need to work on, or do you need to move on?

Respect yourself and set boundaries for those around you. Have the courage to communicate and confront toxic situations with the intention to create positive change.

If a person continuously causes you stress or pain, don't be afraid to limit your contact or cut them off completely. Accept that people can't be changed, and you can either love them as they are, or let them go. 

The choice is never easy, but the choice is yours. 

Namaste.

Brittany
@simplylynne

Tune in next week for the 3rd installment of our Living with Less Series: Detoxing Your Mind!


*Name changed for obvious reasons - you may know him!

3 Things I Learned in 2016

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They say that the older you get, the faster time goes by. If this is the case, then I feel like I'm 103 because it feels like yesterday it was summer when actually it's winter and it's almost 2017. What sorcery is this!?

Anyways, this time of year always makes me both excited and anxious because it'll be a new year, and - it'll be a new year. There will be new opportunities, new challenges, and a fresh start. Everyone wants to start the new year off on the right foot, but part of growth is learning from past mistakes. 

This includes the mistakes you made in 2016. For some of you, this may have been colouring your hair "silver", getting back with an ex who wasn't good for you, or saying something mean when you shouldn't have. 

This week, I'd like to share some of my worst mistakes  best lessons learned over the past year. 

1) You don't have to settle. 

This year some of my biggest struggles revolved around a toxic ex-roommate and feeling undervalued at my workplace. These are common struggles around the world and situations that I've dealt with in the past, but this year the outcome was different: I learned that I didn't have to settle and I decided not to. 

To clarify, compromising is necessary in life, but settling is a choice. This year I decided to choose happiness and put myself first, instead of settling with situations and people that left me miserable or feeling less than I deserve. 

This included saying goodbye to a childhood friend - the same friend that became my roommate from hell over 2 years due to her unresolved mental health issues. I also said goodbye to a city and job because I no longer felt like I was a valued employee. Neither of these decisions were easy to make as they affected me mentally, physically and financially, but they were decisions which had to be made if I was going to do what was best for me. 

While I don't have everything worked out yet, I know I made the right decisions for both situations because I felt relieved immediately after I made the choice not to settle. There's always a choice!

2) It's okay to move on.

If you followed my blog about a year ago, then you'll already know that I had been going through a difficult breakup some time ago (catch up here!). It's a breakup that haunted me for the past 2 years - not because it was a long relationship but because it was the first relationship where I really, truly loved someone and opened up to them. 

This relationship ended almost 2 years ago, but I was still holding onto it. It's not that I wasn't trying - I was seeing other people and open to someone new, but no one as good or real (for me) came along. That is until I met my current boyfriend. 

I knew he adored me long before we even started dating, and I knew he was great and we had a lot in common - but I wasn't going to allow myself to jump into anything I wasn't sure about. So we started hanging out in May and after 3 months of friendship, I really started seeing things in him that I hadn't had in any previous relationship; I started comparing my ex to him, instead of him to my ex. I realized that this was someone really special - someone that was never going to intentionally hurt me and was always going to put me first. 

So before we headed out on our first vacation together, I wrote my ex-boyfriend a letter. It was handwritten and sent via snail mail - after asking his mom for his address because he had blocked me on everything else. 

In the letter, I apologized for the mistakes I made while we were together and let him know that I forgave him for his mistakes. I let him know that while things ended badly, I wasn't angry anymore and wished him the best. 

This was me letting him go. I was after 2 difficult years, finally able to set myself free from the pain of losing us. I learned that it was okay to love my ex without it holding me back from new love. I learned that it was okay to move on.

3) Sometimes you need to be aggressive.

In the past, I've had a habit of letting certain situations or negative treatment from people slide because it was easier than confrontation (does anybody actually like confrontation??) However most often than not, I've kicked myself after a bad situation for the things I should have said or did. I regret not taking a bigger stand when it mattered or for standing up for myself when I felt disrespected.

I've learned that sometimes you need to be aggressive. I'm not talking about getting up in someone's face for no reason, or throwing punches - I'm talking about thoughtfully and respectfully telling someone off when need be, or standing up for what's right. Words are powerful tools which can be used to debate, persuade and discuss. They can be used to defend yourself or create change for a bad situation. 

This past year, I've been working on speaking out more. I reported a professor who was cutting classes, being disrespectful to students and not taking our education seriously - she ended up being replaced for the semester because multiple students spoke up. When more people stand up for what's right, society progresses. 

Another example was when I asked a previous employer for a raise. In previous part-time jobs, I accepted the minimum wage I was offered with no fuss because I was young and unsure of myself and the job system. I felt that minimum wage was acceptable for someone of my experience/education etc. 

This year however after graduating with my second diploma, and with several years of experience under my belt, I was no longer going to accept an intern's wages. So I decided to speak up and brought the issue up with my employer. 

The outcome was that I was offered a raise, but in the end it wasn't significant enough to be worth my time and effort (or anywhere near the cost of living in Toronto) so I left the job. While I didn't get the outcome I necessarily wanted, I did learn that I can create change when I speak up. I learned that sometimes you need to be aggressive and ready to fight for what you really want. 

Photo by Chris Amorim.

To sum it up, 2016 was a good year with some valuable lessons learned. I've learned the value of speaking up and have grown into a person that's allowing myself to move on when things don't go as planned, and only pursuing things in life that make me truly happy. I'll be taking these lessons into the future where I know my future self will benefit from these experiences and wisdom as I continue on my journey of personal growth - I hope you will too!

I'll be on holiday next week but will be back with new blog posts in the new year. In the meantime, I wish you all a happy and healthy holiday season. Cheers!

Brittany

@simplylynne

"The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself."
                                                                                                     - C. Joybell C.

Confessions of a Minimalist

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Minimalist. Hippy. Granola. Eco-conscious. Frugal. These words have all been used to describe me at one point or another and they're being used more frequently the older I get.

My journey to living with less started when I first moved from my hometown to another city for college. I was moving from a bachelor apartment and had a ton of stuff. A huge moving truck to be exact, plus some car loads full.

Over the past 5 years, I've moved about 7 times. (Thank you, shady landlords and bad roommate situations). With the hassle of each move, I really started thinking about the things I owned. I considered why they were important to me, whether or not I needed them, and how owning these things made me feel.

From there I began to question where my desire to own things came from. I thought about how society effected these desires and about how society's 'ideal life' differed from my own.

Once I realized these differences, I began to change my mindset to create a life which was more meaningful to me. 

It's a long and ongoing process, but here's some things I've learned so far on my minimalist journey.

1) I believe in re-gifting. It's the thought that counts! Besides, if I don't love something and know someone else will, I'm happy to pass it along to a new home.

2) I don't wash my jeans until they've been well worn multiple times. Unless of course I KNOW they're dirty or they smell. With the amount of water that a load of laundry uses, I do my best to practice sustainable laundry habits. Besides do jeans ever actually get dirty??

3) Over the years, I've drastically cut down my beauty routine. I started with 1 hour and a full face of makeup and blowout, to 20 minutes and just the essentials. I believe my time is more valuable than me looking perfect every day. A little mineral foundation, some all natural mascara and tinted lip balm and I'm good to go.

4) I don't keep old notes and cards, unless they're really, really special. I keep them for a few years, thank them for the joy they brought me, and then recycle them.

5) I believe the gift of quality time is the most valuable gift you can give a person. 

6) I make my bed everyday because it makes a room look so much tidier and I feel like starting the day by making a bed or doing some light tidying makes for a much more productive day.

7) I don't spend money I don't have. When using a credit card, I make sure to pay it off right away, and avoid unnecessary spending.

8) Instead of focusing on how to make more money, I try not to need more money. It's easy to get sucked into the idea of needing this big a house, this car and that lifestyle, but it's 100% not necessary to live and be happy. In fact, it's that kind of mindset that distracts you from true and simple happiness.

9) I try not to get sentimental about "stuff". I'd rather have one or two really special things from someone, or photos than hold onto everything that reminds me of them (or a certain time etc.)

10) I don't have a lot of friends, just a small handful of really good, genuine, caring friends. Growing up you realize quickly who your true friends are. Keep them close!

11) I air-dry all of my clean clothes. Not only is it better for the environment and save money, but it's much gentler on your clothes and keeps them lasting much longer.

12) I'll go out for a good cup of coffee, but I won't go out and buy a tea. I can't get myself to spend money on a cup of tea, when I have a wide selection and hot water at home already.

13) I value authenticity more than anything else. Nobody's life is perfect and I appreciate when someone can be honest and open about both the bad and good.

14) I wish my parents had made me save all the money I made during my first part-time job instead of spending it on silly things like belts and band t-shirts. Lesson learned.

15) I used to be a huge online shopper - especially clothes. Now I never buy clothes online because I can't see the quality in person and can't justify spending the money without that assurance (or at least easy returns!)

16) I love sweets, particularly chocolate and baked goods. I believe it's okay to have these things in moderation but if I'm going to eat junk food, it needs to be good and high quality. Remember, your body is a temple.

17) I'd rather be somewhat poor than work a job that I don't like. My time is valuable, my thoughts and feelings have value and they are more important than making money. If these other things aren't being honoured, and you have another way you can survive and feel good about, go for it. Time is money.

18) I frequently remind myself that I won't always be healthy, young, alive etc. This may sound like a downer to some, however I feel it's important to keep our mortality in mind in order to appreciate what you do have now and work towards overcoming fears which may be holding us back. More on this here! 

19) 'Pick and choose your battles' has become an important mantra for me. We face injustices everyday - just open up a newspaper on any given day. We know that we can't make everything fair in the world so we have to pick what we find most important and fight for that. Let the little things slide.

20) I don't upgrade my stuff all the time. For instance, I had a flip phone up until just a few years ago when it broke and had to be replaced. I wear my favourite shoes until they fall apart. I'm still typing on my old laptop from my first year of college. If it ain't broke...

Do you have a confession you'd like to make? Let me know in the comments below!

Cheers,

Brittany
@simplylynne