Living with Less Series #2 - Detoxing Your Relationships

Photo from Unsplash.com

"You can't change a person".

We've all heard this expression. Heck, I've probably heard it 100x in my life but it was only a couple years ago when I really started to understand the truth behind the phrase, thanks to one specific person.

I am of course referring to my infamous ex-boyfriend, a.k.a. the life lesson. Since I mention him so often, let's make things simple and call him Francis.*

I remember being open minded and accepting during the pre-dating phase. However as soon as we had the label "boyfriend/girlfriend" I changed. Since we were official, I thought I could relax a little and be me - and me wanted Francis to change. 

I wanted to change the way he dressed. I wanted to change his home and wished he would be cleaner and tidier. I'd criticize his diet, and how he'd spend his time. I wanted him to be more attentive, and care more. In this instance, I was in the wrong for trying to make him something he's not, regardless of how nicely I asked, if my intentions were good, or if it was something I deserved.

If he indeed did all those things I wanted, and was all those things - he wouldn't be Francis. He'd be someone else. (Cue the ah ha moment in my life.)

You can't change a person. 

If you don't like a person/their behaviour/their lifestyle etc., you have two choices.

A) You can accept them as they are, or change your reaction and attitude towards them.
B) You can move on or cut them off.

In regards to my situation with Francis (and with any relationship, really) it's important to ask yourself why you want someone to change in the first place. Is it truly for their benefit, or for yours?

Are they doing something that's harmful or unkind? Could there be any miscommunication between you? Does this person add value or happiness to my life?

More than often, lack of communication, lack of contribution, and lack of listening is what creates a toxic relationship. Relationships should be give and take, each person working towards the same goal. If communication, listening and respect aren't in a relationship, it's not likely to be healthy and successful.

However let's state something important here about the latter - some people are just toxic and need to be cut off. 

Toxic people are the ones that leave you feeling drained, lonely, insignificant or any other negative emotion. They're the ones that leave you feeling physically ill or tense - maybe even with headaches or blotchy skin (almost like a food toxin's effect on you!) They are people that take more than they give, and are most often known to be the cause of "drama".

If you think this is the case do yourself a favour and cut them off from you.

Unfriend them on social media, delete their number, delete the pictures, avoid them, whatever helps you best remove them from your life (besides their untimely and suspicious death, obviously). Life is way too short to be around someone who makes you feel like less than you deserve.

Of course, we can't always cut off every toxic person from our lives. 

For instance, let's say you love your job but your boss constantly makes you feel underappreciated, insecure, or drained. There are several ways you could approach the issue.

1) You could avoid confrontation, keep your head down and continue to accept the negativity until it slowly eats away at your soul. This option could jeopardize both your physical and mental health by creating a chronically stressful situation for you.

2) You could communicate with your boss and let them know how they're making you feel, and suggest ways you could improve the situation. If it's just the relationship that's toxic, and not the person themselves, you may be able to use communication to improve the situation.

However this could have a backlash if the person themselves is toxic and they may feel threatened by your confrontation. Remember, you can't change a person.

3) You could quit the job, leave their negativity behind and jump into the waters of the great unknown. This is usually a last resort and is scary as hell to do but in the long run could lead to new opportunities and a healthier and happier life.

Making the choice to detox your relationships isn't always easy, but you need to make the right choice for you and your health. 

Take some time to evaluate your personal relationships. How does a certain person make you feel? Is there something you need to work on, or do you need to move on?

Respect yourself and set boundaries for those around you. Have the courage to communicate and confront toxic situations with the intention to create positive change.

If a person continuously causes you stress or pain, don't be afraid to limit your contact or cut them off completely. Accept that people can't be changed, and you can either love them as they are, or let them go. 

The choice is never easy, but the choice is yours. 

Namaste.

Brittany
@simplylynne

Tune in next week for the 3rd installment of our Living with Less Series: Detoxing Your Mind!


*Name changed for obvious reasons - you may know him!

Living with Less Series #1 - Detoxing Your Body

Photo from Unsplash.com

Hello and welcome back! It's a new year and this is my first blog post of 2017.

I'm excited to announce that this month I'll be writing a blog post series about living with less. Since a new year is all about good intentions and self-improvement, this is a great chance to make some positive changes around your home, for your body and for your mind.

Now I don't know about you, but I ate pretty poorly over the holidays and I'm paying for it now. Large quantities of sugar, chocolate, fatty foods and bread have got me breaking out, and feeling bloated and sluggish. I know that what I eat has to do a lot with how I'm feeling (and looking) so I've really been evaluating my diet and lifestyle and have been looking to make some healthier changes.

Did you know that when you write down your goals you have a 21% increased chance in achieving them? It's even more likely if you write them down in your own handwriting. So this is me writing down my intentions to detox my life - starting with my body.

I'm sure you know the phrase "you are what you eat" and it's absolutely true. Same goes for what you put in your skin, what you breathe in, and what you drink.

When you put something laden with chemicals into your skin (I'm looking at you Bath and Body Works) or into your body (even most grocery store "healthy" fruits and veggies are soaked in toxins!) you're eventually going to have a negative reaction. This could do some serious long term damage to your health!

If you're looking to clean up your habits, here are some tips to detox your body for a healthier, happier you. If you see some ideas you want to work on, be sure to write them down or tell a friend to increase your chances of success!

1) Buy organic food as often as you can. 

Certain fruits and veggies carry more toxins in them (aka, The Dirty Dozen) and can carry up to 67 pesticides per serving. Yikes! If you can't buy all organic, make sure to wash fruits and veggies thoroughly before eating with a mild all natural soap. 

2) Eliminate (or eat less) gluten, dairy, eggs, soy, corn, peanuts and refined sugar. 

In an over-processed and chemical filled world today, allergies are on the rise. This list contains some of the most aggressive food allergens which can irritate the digestive system and in time threaten our immunity. Avoid them if you can!

If you are considering eliminating these things, I recommend checking out the Eating Clean Cookbook by Amie Valpone. I picked it up recently and am working through it for my own health plans. Not only does it include a 21 day plan to detox your diet, but it's filled with anti-allergen and vegan recipes which all look delicious!

Bonus points: Try adding more turmeric, honey, charcoal, and clay (yes, clay) to your diet. All can be extremely beneficial for your health and can help with detoxing and boosting your immunity. Just be sure to do some research first or consult your doctor!

3) Swap your cleaning products for chemical free versions. 

It's hard enough to avoid toxins outside the house (hello, carbon emissions) so why not make your own home a personal haven and minimize the chemical impact in your home environment. Try swapping out your average Mr. Clean for something gentler on the air and skin. There are many great earth and body friendly cleaners out there - or you can make your own!

I personally like a little vinegar water for cleaning with a few drops of lavender essential oil. Here are some other great recipes for All Purpose Cleaner, Laundry Detergent, Furniture Polish and more.

5) Purify your air with plants.

This one's a favourite of mine! Interestingly enough, I read somewhere once that the average home needs 14-16 plants to help keep the air pure in a home (looks like I'm going plant shopping). 

Plants breathe in carbon dioxide and can also absorb other harmful gases such as cigarette smoke, benzene from plastics and formaldehyde. Not only do they help purify the air but they add life and style to a home. So go ahead, buy another plant...for your health of course.

Not sure what plant to get to clean your air? Check out this list! 

4) Simplify and green your beauty routine. 

Most health and beauty products are filled with harmful chemicals and cheap fillers to lengthen the shelf life, all of which unregulated, not tested long term, and can cause serious health problems.

I can remember when I first read about a possible link between breast cancer and antiperspirant,and started researching the chemicals in health and beauty products. I was shocked by the amount of toxins included in everyday health and beauty items - all of which are mass produced and marketed to us (click here for a detailed article on toxic beauty).

Our skin is the largest organ on the body and absorbs 60% of what's put on it - make sure it's 60% of something kind and non-toxic. (I'll be doing a post on my favourite all natural health/beauty products within the next few weeks!)

A very helpful resource I like to use is the Good Guide.  You can type a product into this site and find out exactly what the ingredients are, how harmful they are and what they can do long term, and how ethical a beauty brand is. I've typed in Physician's Formula Organic Mascara for an example - take a look! 

5) Drink more water.

The average human body is 50-65% water which means you're most likely not getting as much water as your body needs to function fully and properly. Water is essential for flushing out toxins, promoting healthy skin, keeping the immune system in check and other sorts of great things. Green tea and lemon water are also extremely beneficial for detoxing the body. What are you waiting for? Drink up!

6) Sweat it out.

Staying active doesn't just keep you looking and feeling great - it also helps flush toxins out of the body during the sweating process. Crying is also great for releasing toxins (both physically and emotionally) so you can always curl up with The Notebook too. Don't forget tissues!

Detoxing your body is a great way to improve your overall heath and to keep your immune system in check. A healthy, organic diet, natural health and beauty products, and clean air environment are essential in working towards a non-toxic life. Try eliminating a few toxins from your routine today - the results can change your life!

Tune in for next week's Living with Less blog series post: Detoxing Your Relationships.

Namaste,

Brittany
@simplylynne

5 Things to be Thankful for Right Now

Photo from Unsplash.com

I'll admit it - I'm a little bit addicted to Instagram. I probably check my notifications 30 times a day, and spend at least an hour a day checking out other people's photographs (note to self, spend less time on social media.)

Social media, and Instagram in particular to me is a place for inspiration and art - however it's also a place where the green monster of envy can settle in. It's especially hard this time of year when everyone's posting pictures of their lovely homes and Christmas trees, their exciting holiday vacations, fabulous presents, or beautiful weddings.

I know you've likely heard the phrase "comparison is the thief of joy" and it's absolutely true. I used to get jealous and upset sometimes over the awesome things people were doing/getting, however I've gotten a lot better changing my perspective to something more positive.

Let's be honest - someone will always be doing something more exciting or interesting than you are - but life isn't a contest, and that doesn't mean you can't be happy. Happiness starts with a grateful heart.

If you take more time to be grateful for the things you have in life instead of wishing for things you don't have, you'll be a much happier individual. After all, many of the things you do have, someone else wishes they had. It's all about your perspective. 

This holiday season, don't forget to take some time to appreciate the gifts you've already been given such as...

1) Your health

Whether you're in perfect health right now or not, take a moment to be grateful for the health you do have. Our bodies are truly amazing machines which allow us to walk, dance, speak, move, experience and so many other things.

It's easy to take our health for granted unless it's threatened by illness, accident or old age - all of which, we can't predict. If you're reading this, then you're already better off than some other less fortunate people in the world.

2) Your senses

Sometimes when I see something really beautiful, I take a moment to stop and try to memorize the moment - the colours that I see, the scent in the air, the sounds I hear etc. I try to memorize the shapes of the scene, the lines in front of me, and any details that I usually tend to overlook. I know I may not always be blessed with my sight (or hearing etc.) so I try to capture a few vivid memories in my mind.

By doing this, I not only have some beautiful memories, but I'm also reminded of the joy and beauty my senses add to each experience. It also helps me be more present in the moment which makes me feel more grounded and content in life.

3) Your belongings

During my early childhood, I was what many considered to be an "underprivileged child". We didn't have a lot of money, and the money we did have was often spent in unhealthy ways due to a lack of proper parenting (an entirely different story).

Because of this more troubled beginning, I had a hard time sharing my things with other children as I got older. The feeling of scarcity made me into a somewhat selfish child out of fear of not having enough. My toys, my bed, my food were mine and I would rudely say no or put up a fight whenever someone asked to borrow something from me.

Now that I'm older and wiser, I can understand how this childhood fear affected my life and relationships. I've learned not only to share better, but how to appreciate the things I do own. Each piece of clothing, furniture, book etc. that I've collected is a blessing which can add comfort and joy to my life.

Since I've been fortunate enough to have these belongings, I think it's important to share them when I can and try to bring joy and comfort to someone else. As Anne Frank would say, no one ever became poor by giving!

4) Your privileges 

I understand that many privileges are still sadly based on race, gender, sexual preferences, etc. It'll be a long, long time before all of society believes we're equal regardless of these things. Regardless, we're still blessed with many privileges worth being grateful for. Things like water, food, and electricity aren't rights - they're privileges for those who can afford them and have access to them.

My boyfriend and I have had many conversations about how absurd it is that we need to pay for things that we need to survive such as clean water, heat in the winter, and food. We discuss how feminine products, birth control, and basic medicine isn't available to everyone but are necessary for good health and the good of the world.

Most often these discussions leave us frustrated with society and trying to find ways that we can do better and create change. Since we are blessed with so many privileges, it's our duty as decent human beings to try to improve the lives of others, too.

5) Your life

Life isn't perfect - we all know that, but simply being alive is the greatest gift we could have. With life we're given the opportunity to learn, to experience, to grow, and to love. The opportunities and experiences we could have are countless and each choice we make can lead to a new us and a new life. Life can change in an instant - for good or bad, so it's important to enjoy what we have while we have it.

Likewise, mistakes and hard times are a part of being human and part of what makes us truly appreciate the time we're given on earth. Take a moment and be grateful for the years you've so far been given, the hard times you've overcome, and think about the possibilities of tomorrow.

It's easy to take the blessings in our lives for granted, especially during the holiday season. Instead of wishing for this or that, try and practice contentment and joy with the gifts you've already received. 

I am grateful for my health and my ability to experience joy with my senses.
I am thankful for clean water, fuel for my body, and a warm place to sleep tonight.
I appreciate my opportunity to live and experience life.
I will make an effort to be more generous and help others find comfort and joy.
I welcome abundance and happiness into my life, and I am grateful for all of my blessings.

Namaste.

Brittany
@simplylynne

The Best Gift to Give Yourself This Season

Photo from Unsplash.com

With American Thanksgiving over and the rush of Black Friday finished, people all around the world are gearing up for the busiest month of the year. There are people to see, events to plan, and in Hagrid's words - "lots to buy" as we prepare for the holidays.

December isn't just about those holidays and all the busyness that comes with it. It's also about finishing off another year and preparing for a new one. 

Knowing this can stir up a lot of mixed emotions. Combine this with holiday stress, frequent interactions with other people, and cold weather and you've got a recipe for illness. 

If you're wanting to fully enjoy December, you need to approach it with a clear head - not a stuffed up one! Practicing some self-care (a.k.a. soul care) rituals is essential to keeping yourself calm and healthy this holiday season.

Here are some of my favourite ways to wind down. If you'd like to share some of your own, feel free to comment below!

Have a cup of tea. Or three.

There's nothing that makes me more content or relaxed than a great cup of tea.

My two favourite brands right now are David's Tea and Pukka Teas. Many teas not only taste good but have ingredients which can physically combat illness! For boosting the immune system, Pukka's Elderberry and Echinacea is great (and so delicious!) as is Pick Me Up from David's Tea with cold fighting turmeric and ginger.

Cuddle with a pet/significant other/blanket 

Cuddling is scientifically proven to release stress. Less stress = healthier you. Plus, it's chilly and cuddling keeps you warm. So grab a blanket and a buddy and snuggle up!

Watch or read something that stimulates your mind 

It's perfectly okay to watch/read a few things that are happy-go-lucky or escapist, however I encourage you to watch/read something that challenges you as well. Learning helps keep your brain sharp, makes you feel more enlightened and widens your perspective on the world.

At our house, we're currently watching The Crown and The Curse of Oak Island - both are based on historical events and real life mysteries - I learn something new with every episode!

Light a candle or use some essential oils

About a year ago, I purchased an oil diffuser and it's been a big part of my self-care routine. At the end of a long day, or in the morning when I'm preparing for a new day, I like to light up my diffuser with a beeswax candle and fill the air with a soothing scent. Not only does it smell great, but it adds a little more moisture to the air which is well needed in dry winters.

For Uplifting and Awakening: Orange + Peppermint + Grapefruit
For Calming: Lavender + Sage + Lemon
For Stuffy Noses: Eucalyptus + Peppermint

Work up a sweat

I'm guilty of slacking off on this one - especially in winter as it's cold and I want to stay under blankets. Working up a sweat however is a extremely beneficial to your heath physically and mentally (hello, endorphins!)

Make an effort to be more active - dance to some music, go for a job or even just do some yoga at home. It'll be hard getting started, but you'll feel amazing and more accomplished afterwards.

Wear clothes that make you feel good

What you wear does effect how you feel. Whether you spend most of your time at home, work or outside, invest in some clothes that truly make you feel comfortable and happy.

For me, this is leggings, some knitted socks, and a cozy vintage sweater. I like soft, eco-fabrics like modal against my skin whenever I can, and I prefer things that are loose and I can move easily in. But you choose what works best for you!

Keep a journal

Writing your thoughts down is therapy (and much cheaper than an actual therapist!) Sometimes just getting thoughts out of your head and onto paper is all you need to keep your mind from jumbling up or stressing out. It also helps you see over time your fears and growth as a person.

I've personally been keeping a journal since I was seven years old. While I don't write in it every day, I try to jot a few things down every so often, especially if I'm feeling stressed or angry. I find that when I read these thoughts later on down the road I can see how these experiences have changed me as a person (for the better). I try to write down postive things as well not only for my records but to practice gratitude more often.

Indulge in a good meal

For me, I like a good brunch. Waffles, fruit, bacon, eggs, orange juice, the whole bit but you can cook whatever you like (or go out to eat!) Don't be afraid to light some candles, put on some music, or set the table for yourself either. It's okay to treat yourself!

Re-arrange your personal space

Whether it's your bedroom, desk, workspace etc, rearranging your space often can inspire you and help you keep things tidy. Do what you can to make your space uniquely YOU. Add some plants or art that speaks to you. Print out a quote that inspires you. Whatever makes your place happy.

Turn off your phone

I'll admit it, I check my phone a lot. And it's not because I'm always getting calls or emails - it's just a bad habit. It's a little upsetting to think about how much time I waste doing this, so I'm going to work on leaving my phone behind more often and taking more breaks from technology. If people could manage to live and be happy without being constantly connected 50+ years ago, then so can we.

Get more sleep

Most animals hibernate when the cold hits, so it's not a surprise that we feel more tired in winter. Colder temperatures, less sun, and a taxing schedule can easily drain anyone.

Our bodies and minds need rest in order to recharge and heal, so it's important to get enough sleep. Listen to your body - if you feel tired, give yourself a break and get to bed earlier, or take a nap. You'll feel much more rested and able to tackle the stresses of tomorrow after a good sleep.

There are many ways to engage in soul-care but the trick is building a routine that works for you. Only you know what makes you feel relaxed and happy and I encourage you to do more of that. 

Remember, you can't help others without helping yourself first. You have a responsibility to yourself to nurture and care for yourself so that you can replenish and refresh your body and spirit. Doing so is essential for good health, and allows us to fully share ourselves with others. Helping yourself, helps others. Make it a priority this holiday season, and beyond.

Namaste.

Brittany
@simplylynne