Living with Less Series #2 - Detoxing Your Relationships

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"You can't change a person".

We've all heard this expression. Heck, I've probably heard it 100x in my life but it was only a couple years ago when I really started to understand the truth behind the phrase, thanks to one specific person.

I am of course referring to my infamous ex-boyfriend, a.k.a. the life lesson. Since I mention him so often, let's make things simple and call him Francis.*

I remember being open minded and accepting during the pre-dating phase. However as soon as we had the label "boyfriend/girlfriend" I changed. Since we were official, I thought I could relax a little and be me - and me wanted Francis to change. 

I wanted to change the way he dressed. I wanted to change his home and wished he would be cleaner and tidier. I'd criticize his diet, and how he'd spend his time. I wanted him to be more attentive, and care more. In this instance, I was in the wrong for trying to make him something he's not, regardless of how nicely I asked, if my intentions were good, or if it was something I deserved.

If he indeed did all those things I wanted, and was all those things - he wouldn't be Francis. He'd be someone else. (Cue the ah ha moment in my life.)

You can't change a person. 

If you don't like a person/their behaviour/their lifestyle etc., you have two choices.

A) You can accept them as they are, or change your reaction and attitude towards them.
B) You can move on or cut them off.

In regards to my situation with Francis (and with any relationship, really) it's important to ask yourself why you want someone to change in the first place. Is it truly for their benefit, or for yours?

Are they doing something that's harmful or unkind? Could there be any miscommunication between you? Does this person add value or happiness to my life?

More than often, lack of communication, lack of contribution, and lack of listening is what creates a toxic relationship. Relationships should be give and take, each person working towards the same goal. If communication, listening and respect aren't in a relationship, it's not likely to be healthy and successful.

However let's state something important here about the latter - some people are just toxic and need to be cut off. 

Toxic people are the ones that leave you feeling drained, lonely, insignificant or any other negative emotion. They're the ones that leave you feeling physically ill or tense - maybe even with headaches or blotchy skin (almost like a food toxin's effect on you!) They are people that take more than they give, and are most often known to be the cause of "drama".

If you think this is the case do yourself a favour and cut them off from you.

Unfriend them on social media, delete their number, delete the pictures, avoid them, whatever helps you best remove them from your life (besides their untimely and suspicious death, obviously). Life is way too short to be around someone who makes you feel like less than you deserve.

Of course, we can't always cut off every toxic person from our lives. 

For instance, let's say you love your job but your boss constantly makes you feel underappreciated, insecure, or drained. There are several ways you could approach the issue.

1) You could avoid confrontation, keep your head down and continue to accept the negativity until it slowly eats away at your soul. This option could jeopardize both your physical and mental health by creating a chronically stressful situation for you.

2) You could communicate with your boss and let them know how they're making you feel, and suggest ways you could improve the situation. If it's just the relationship that's toxic, and not the person themselves, you may be able to use communication to improve the situation.

However this could have a backlash if the person themselves is toxic and they may feel threatened by your confrontation. Remember, you can't change a person.

3) You could quit the job, leave their negativity behind and jump into the waters of the great unknown. This is usually a last resort and is scary as hell to do but in the long run could lead to new opportunities and a healthier and happier life.

Making the choice to detox your relationships isn't always easy, but you need to make the right choice for you and your health. 

Take some time to evaluate your personal relationships. How does a certain person make you feel? Is there something you need to work on, or do you need to move on?

Respect yourself and set boundaries for those around you. Have the courage to communicate and confront toxic situations with the intention to create positive change.

If a person continuously causes you stress or pain, don't be afraid to limit your contact or cut them off completely. Accept that people can't be changed, and you can either love them as they are, or let them go. 

The choice is never easy, but the choice is yours. 

Namaste.

Brittany
@simplylynne

Tune in next week for the 3rd installment of our Living with Less Series: Detoxing Your Mind!


*Name changed for obvious reasons - you may know him!

Living with Less Series #1 - Detoxing Your Body

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Hello and welcome back! It's a new year and this is my first blog post of 2017.

I'm excited to announce that this month I'll be writing a blog post series about living with less. Since a new year is all about good intentions and self-improvement, this is a great chance to make some positive changes around your home, for your body and for your mind.

Now I don't know about you, but I ate pretty poorly over the holidays and I'm paying for it now. Large quantities of sugar, chocolate, fatty foods and bread have got me breaking out, and feeling bloated and sluggish. I know that what I eat has to do a lot with how I'm feeling (and looking) so I've really been evaluating my diet and lifestyle and have been looking to make some healthier changes.

Did you know that when you write down your goals you have a 21% increased chance in achieving them? It's even more likely if you write them down in your own handwriting. So this is me writing down my intentions to detox my life - starting with my body.

I'm sure you know the phrase "you are what you eat" and it's absolutely true. Same goes for what you put in your skin, what you breathe in, and what you drink.

When you put something laden with chemicals into your skin (I'm looking at you Bath and Body Works) or into your body (even most grocery store "healthy" fruits and veggies are soaked in toxins!) you're eventually going to have a negative reaction. This could do some serious long term damage to your health!

If you're looking to clean up your habits, here are some tips to detox your body for a healthier, happier you. If you see some ideas you want to work on, be sure to write them down or tell a friend to increase your chances of success!

1) Buy organic food as often as you can. 

Certain fruits and veggies carry more toxins in them (aka, The Dirty Dozen) and can carry up to 67 pesticides per serving. Yikes! If you can't buy all organic, make sure to wash fruits and veggies thoroughly before eating with a mild all natural soap. 

2) Eliminate (or eat less) gluten, dairy, eggs, soy, corn, peanuts and refined sugar. 

In an over-processed and chemical filled world today, allergies are on the rise. This list contains some of the most aggressive food allergens which can irritate the digestive system and in time threaten our immunity. Avoid them if you can!

If you are considering eliminating these things, I recommend checking out the Eating Clean Cookbook by Amie Valpone. I picked it up recently and am working through it for my own health plans. Not only does it include a 21 day plan to detox your diet, but it's filled with anti-allergen and vegan recipes which all look delicious!

Bonus points: Try adding more turmeric, honey, charcoal, and clay (yes, clay) to your diet. All can be extremely beneficial for your health and can help with detoxing and boosting your immunity. Just be sure to do some research first or consult your doctor!

3) Swap your cleaning products for chemical free versions. 

It's hard enough to avoid toxins outside the house (hello, carbon emissions) so why not make your own home a personal haven and minimize the chemical impact in your home environment. Try swapping out your average Mr. Clean for something gentler on the air and skin. There are many great earth and body friendly cleaners out there - or you can make your own!

I personally like a little vinegar water for cleaning with a few drops of lavender essential oil. Here are some other great recipes for All Purpose Cleaner, Laundry Detergent, Furniture Polish and more.

5) Purify your air with plants.

This one's a favourite of mine! Interestingly enough, I read somewhere once that the average home needs 14-16 plants to help keep the air pure in a home (looks like I'm going plant shopping). 

Plants breathe in carbon dioxide and can also absorb other harmful gases such as cigarette smoke, benzene from plastics and formaldehyde. Not only do they help purify the air but they add life and style to a home. So go ahead, buy another plant...for your health of course.

Not sure what plant to get to clean your air? Check out this list! 

4) Simplify and green your beauty routine. 

Most health and beauty products are filled with harmful chemicals and cheap fillers to lengthen the shelf life, all of which unregulated, not tested long term, and can cause serious health problems.

I can remember when I first read about a possible link between breast cancer and antiperspirant,and started researching the chemicals in health and beauty products. I was shocked by the amount of toxins included in everyday health and beauty items - all of which are mass produced and marketed to us (click here for a detailed article on toxic beauty).

Our skin is the largest organ on the body and absorbs 60% of what's put on it - make sure it's 60% of something kind and non-toxic. (I'll be doing a post on my favourite all natural health/beauty products within the next few weeks!)

A very helpful resource I like to use is the Good Guide.  You can type a product into this site and find out exactly what the ingredients are, how harmful they are and what they can do long term, and how ethical a beauty brand is. I've typed in Physician's Formula Organic Mascara for an example - take a look! 

5) Drink more water.

The average human body is 50-65% water which means you're most likely not getting as much water as your body needs to function fully and properly. Water is essential for flushing out toxins, promoting healthy skin, keeping the immune system in check and other sorts of great things. Green tea and lemon water are also extremely beneficial for detoxing the body. What are you waiting for? Drink up!

6) Sweat it out.

Staying active doesn't just keep you looking and feeling great - it also helps flush toxins out of the body during the sweating process. Crying is also great for releasing toxins (both physically and emotionally) so you can always curl up with The Notebook too. Don't forget tissues!

Detoxing your body is a great way to improve your overall heath and to keep your immune system in check. A healthy, organic diet, natural health and beauty products, and clean air environment are essential in working towards a non-toxic life. Try eliminating a few toxins from your routine today - the results can change your life!

Tune in for next week's Living with Less blog series post: Detoxing Your Relationships.

Namaste,

Brittany
@simplylynne